Over the last several weeks I have had countless dialog with women, friends, associates and family and the conversations seems to echo over and over of someone holding on to something they should let go. Let me be more specific as this topic has lead me into different types of conversations regarding holding on to something. Why do we hold on to a job or career we no longer find fulfilling? We sit and complain everyday about the job/career, the hours, the lack of this or lack of that, but we do nothing to change our situation. What are you holding on to that job for if it makes you so unhappy? Why not find a recruiter or headhunter to assist you in your job search? Why not go back to school to obtain your bachelors degree or masters degree, or obtain additional certifications to leverage your heighten skill level. Another subject around this is why do we hold on to our children and not allow them to experience life by placing barriers which do not allow them to grow and become productive citizens? Why do we hold on to them so tightly and think because we give them money or cater to their every need that we have done our job as a parent? Are you living the life you wish you had through your children until it is a hindrance? Another topic which was discussed is why do we so called progressive strong women get involved with knowingly married men, and we hang on to something which is not biblical ours to hold on to? Why do we hang on to another women's husbands when we know deep down this is toxic for all parties involved, yet we make excuses of true love, destiny or it feels so right that it possibly can not be wrong? Why do we stay in a loveless marriage without communicating with one another to determine if the marriage is worth fighting for, if the partners are equally yoked? Why do we attract dead beat loser men who use us mentally, physically or even financially? Why do we enable those men? Why do we attract and yes stay with them? Why do we hold on to complaining our finances are not where they should be, yet we go to the mall and spend on items we don't need or during Thanksgiving and Christmas spend money on gifts and presents we can not afford? Why do we do nothing to change our social economic environment? Why do we complain and hold on to the fact we have gained some weight and our self esteem is low, but we do nothing to truly change our dietary intake and even exercises? Ask yourself this question, are you holding on to something which has run its course and is no longer healthy for your way of life? If you truly ask yourself this question, you may also see there is a reason why some of the unfortunate drama you may encounter occurred. To truly obtain the life GOD has for you, you must let go the things which are not mentally, physically or financially good for your mind, body and soul. Are you hanging on to these things out of fear? Fear of being alone, fear of failure, fear of what others may say or think about you, fear of taking a financial risk? FEAR, FEAR, FEAR is an ugly root which plants itself in your mind into making you come up with the best excuses on why you should hold on to what I would consider TRASH. A trashy relationship, a trashy career, a trashy friendship, a trashy affair, trashy finances, simply put trashy living. The good news, now that you have asked yourself what are you holding on to out of fear, you can release that burden and fear to GOD and allow for him to speak to you as only he can, to provide you instruction for the next stage in your life. So in the words of my Pastor, it is time to take back what is yours in 09! Now this does not mean take what does not belong to you, simply release those holds which are keeping you stagnant from progressing and move forward and take back what is yours in 09. For me, it is taking back a career which was slightly cut short at one corporation due to layoffs, and forcefully moving forward to obtain what is mine and what the lord has for me. Now we can not take back what is ours on our own. We still must continue to read God's word, pray, communicate with healthy relationships and friends, network and do what is right. Let us stop using excuses for our trashy behavior and lets agree to take a stand and say no more! No more staying in a position at a job in which we are unhappy, no more getting into relationships with knowingly married men, or staying with a married man because it feels good or we think we are in love, or we don't want to be alone, no more getting involved in a relationship because we don't want to be alone, or we think a man will bring us happiness, no more spending on items we don't need or does not benefit us to simply say to others we have the Gucci, Hermes, Coach, Jimmy Choo, Range Rovers and BMW's. No more eating unhealthy or large portions of food which does not benefit our body, no more suffocating our children because of mistakes or tragedies which affected us as children or young adults. No more living in a household with your spouse and you don't communicate to correct issues or opportunities which are presenting themselves and simply living as roommates. No more laying down with men when you are not married because you want to feel wanted or loved, or simply as I have heard "ooh he is good in bed"; after being sexually filled do you truly feel whole or satisfied (okay I don't just mean sexually satisfied lol)? GOD has so much in store for his children, but we must stop the generational curses which have plagued our race, and community. Our bible has said fear is not of GOD, so knowing this should give us comfort when we release the wheel and let him drive he will take us to new and better places. Letting go may not always be easy, you may even fall down, but pick yourself back up, call your God, call your friends, hey call us on this blog for sincere support from our ladies community, we all can share our personal testimonies as you move through the process removing judgement and scorn. So I close with saying, lets release what is trashy in our lives, lets lean on our circle of friends, family and most of all the lord to help us through the time of release. While doing that lets take back what is ours in 09! Hey Ladies Are You With Me?
A Few Scriptures To Remember:
Matthew 14:27
Mark 5:36
Isaiah 6:10
Deuteronomy 8:17-18
(Many of you have called the founders about how you most enjoyed the blog, lets make February 09 the month we truly dialog and or comment on the topic of the month)
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Hello there Cuz (Lisa). I really like this you ladies keep up the good work. Holding on to something is what most people need and want it may not be good for you or in the best interest but most of us are taught that, but if you don't have love for you or the desire to make you, then those that you attract will be those you don't really need in your life, but you will not see it and can't no one tell it to you. Love thy self, sometimes you are content and as long as you have someone that is enough. It used to be your strongest bond was your friends now that doesn't hold water. A man in your life is what GOD intended, that is why he took us from a part of man, but somewhere down the line we lost being apart of someone not everyone's someone.
ReplyDeleteHey Lis,
ReplyDeleteI agree many are taught things which may or may not be good for them. It is taking the time to go within and pray getting the guidance to know rather we are taught or not to let it go. I also agree we must hang on to something such as Faith, Hope, good friends, family etc. Loving yourself is critical, and those who are blessed to be in a true relationship can not foster the best relationship without loving themselves first. Hard to love someone else when you dont love yourself, so much like you indicated you will attract what you put out. My hope is we can change the world one step and one woman at a time.
February has provided us with another great message. I am taking myself back. I have
ReplyDeletedecided that i will not slave for another employee. I will slave for my own business but I will let GOd be my guide so that I know personaly that I am on the right course. We as women make a lot of wrong decisions and sometimes end up in bad relationships. But we also have to look at what we are doing in the relationship to make it bad. I think that too many times we believe that we have done everything right and it's him. But that is not true ladies. Ask God to show you the error of your ways. So that you can stop self destructing the relationships that are worth salvaging. I was amazed at what I found out about myself. There is a great book that God led me to called Love and Respect by Dr Emerson Eggerichs. This book discuss how women don't just want to be loved be they have to loved in order to have a healthy relationship and vice versa men must have respect, we must respect the man not because we think he has earned it but because the God demands that we respect our man. I was amazed at the disrespteful behavior that I displayed. But I have changed things up and my relationship has changed tremendously. Knowing better is doing better and I now know better ladies. I am not perfect by any means. But now I can actually hear God telling me to shut my trap, and guess what most of the time I do. We have to love and respect ourselves as well as stand for something because if we don't we will fall for anything. But we can not continue to be ballbreaking, know it alls. We have to live and let live. We have to speak our peace and shut up without nagging. That way when they fall on their butts they will get up come to us and ask for our advice again. I have learned that everything is not black and white!
Domminique Werdlow~
My goal for 2009 is to clear up our "trashy finances". My husband and I talked about becoming debt free last year and we both liked the teachings and approach of Dave Ramsey. We liked his approach because it just made good common sense and second his approach is based on Christian principles. I was disappointed in 2009 when in Janaury we were not debt free and had clearly gotten of course. While our debt did not go up, because we paid for everything with cash or debit card (cash or debit card is the only forms of payment allowed under Dave Ramsey's approach)we did not tackle the debt reduction. I really prayed about how to approach this subject with my husband in 2009, because I did not want to offend him and get into a debate over how I approached him versus our financial goals for 2009. So I just had a conversation with my husband last week suggesting that we get refocused in 2009 and asked if he would support this. Prayer works, becasue the words came out how they needed and we are both realigned for 2009. For any of you familiar wih Dave Ramsey we are about to get "gazelle intense". Yeah!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLet's not talk about it, let's be about. With sistely love let's hold each other accountable. We are living in bad times right now, however things WILL get better. What a blessing it will be to say I am a better and happier me when the world changes for the better.
I think if you have not done so already for 2009 you should commit to think about and pray about what "trash" is making your life unhappy. After you have had that honest conversation with yourself and God you should identify what steps you are going to take to alleviate the "trash" in your life. While yes the end goal is to alleviate the trash, you may have to take baby steps to get there. Therefore, focus on one or two things you will do within 30 days to help alleviate the trash. After those 30 days, reassess where you are, do you need to try again at your original one or two goals or can you move to goals three and four for days 31 - 60. Be realistic with your expectations and before you know it your "trash" will be gone.
I wish everyone a "trash-free" 2009!!!!
My 2 cents
Dwan
Dwan,
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing how one can get off track when it comes to managing the financial aspect of our lives. Just 2-3 years ago I was debt free minus my mortgage and car note, other than that debt free, and to look around and see we are in debt and as the commerical says "we are in debt up to our eye balls" lol lol... This is an aspect of our lives too we plan to correct. Just seems as though when we get ready to make our move something significant happens. 2006 I felt I had reached financial freedom, but was dealig with a personal family issue which rocked me to the core. 2007 financial situation changed from positive to negative while dealing with the personal family issue rocking me to my core, and helped a friend out which also caused trauma to my credit. 2008 dealt with increased debt, recovering from personal family issue getting to a place of healing while financial situation sank, as husband took a huge financial blow when changing is career. Beginning of 2009 felt was a start of something good. Husband took a different career path which would help get us on track when my company began downsizing and elimination of positions. It has been feeling like Damn can I have a moment to breath and catch a breath to focus. As we are not where we want to be in 2009 with our finances, much like you indicated it is time to reasses where we are, where we are trying to go, the realistic timeline we want to accomplish. The good thing is much like you, we have had no choice but to pay for things with cash or check. Now want to move from not only cash/check handling but having significant savings to manage when experiencing a job loss or reduction in salary, and most of all to leave a legacy to my grand and great grandchildren. Not leaving my daughters debt or nothing at all; but a legacy of opportunities like I see done in other races for centuries. Great response and I am with you... Living a Trash Free 2009. This will involve taking back what is mine (career and financial freedom)in 09, and letting go things which are no longer healthy nor beneficial to my life and family! To accomplish this some will have to be taken in baby steps, like the financial part; while others I will be taking by storm, like my career!
KNedwards-montgomery~
This is an excellent topic for this month. I agree that women tend to hold on to unnecessary trash in their life. This tends to be in every aspect of life.....we are too fat, too financially dependent, too emotional, too caught up in forming our identity based on a man's opinion of us, too busy looking for the right person to spend our life with when we might miss what's right in front of us, too busy to go to church, but feel it is sufficient to watch it on television, too busy to sit down with our children and instill wholehearted values instead of allowing the school system to shape their minds, too busy seeing the potential versus the execution.....the list can go on. The point is that women have to get tough and empty the trash. Take a firm stand on fear and conquer it. I am guilty of holding on to unnecessary 'clutter', which is the fancy word for trash, because I feel that it makes up my treasure. So, the question becomes......how do you stand up to empty the trash when you feel like it is too heavy? There is no simple answer, but the key is to start small and celebrate those accomplishments. For example, I have always struggled with my weight and as I steadily approach 40, I have established a contract with myself to shed some pounds and change my eating habits. While I haven't started yet, the plan is in place. Have a powerful day!!
ReplyDeleteMs. Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI would like to applaud you for taking a stand with us and begin to throw out the trash. Struggle no longer with your weight we are here to support you as you go through this time in your life. Now that the plan is in place, no better time than start now! So take it one step at a time. Remember it is a life style change not a quick fix. Starving yourself wont help, and setting unrealistic goals or eating unrealistic foods wont help either. So when you start, start off one step at a time, small portions and following the food guide. Remember you can eat from all food groups, it is simply how much from each group will determine your success! Again I applaud you and check in now and then to tell us how you are doing. WE WANT all the sisters out their to be healthy! Not bony, not skinny, not over weight, not sick, simply healthy. Follow the food grouping, watch your portions, dont deny yourself, and dont over do it and you will do just fine!!!!!
Love, Peace, Joy~
From OurHearts2Yours~
K.N.Edwards-Montgomery